fearlessly | (no subject)

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[ it's raining, but alisaie does not mind. she likes the rain. it brings to mind peaceful, private moments, times during her childhood when she would be left alone and unbothered. it reminds her of calm, and tranquility, and safety. it's also an excellent time to read a book, one of her favorite activities. the steady fall of rain beats down on the roof and against the window on which she is leaning back, comfortable on her bed, shoes off and legs tucked up beneath her.

alisaie, unsurprisingly, has been here for a few days already, having arrived early to give herself time to unpack, decompress, and adjust to the space. she'll have a roommate this year, something she is not at all excited about, but it is what it is. given her family's influence, she could have gotten a single room, but that would've made her stand out even more and so instead she has chosen to attend normally, and bring no more attention to herself than necessary. even if it means having to share her space. with any luck, she'll land herself a social, popular roommate who is never in their room unless absolutely necessary, and she won't have to worry too much about feeling cramped.

while the space looks lived in, there's still a few boxes on her desk left to unpack, her suitcase half-full and leaning against the closet, but her books already sit in her shelves, filling every possible space without spilling onto her would-be roommate's side, though fitting them all has certainly been.. a challenge. her desk, too, is piled with notebooks, binders, textbooks, alchemy supplies, mining samples.. look, she's taking a lot of classes?? like, every class. notably, too, her rapier and crystal focus lean against the wall beside her bed, well polished and sharpened, cared for, and a cup of tea sits cooling on her bedside table, atop, you guessed it, more books. it's a theme.

when you are deep into a book, however, time tends to slip away from you, and alisaie has not noticed how much time has passed until suddenly the doorknob is turning. her breath catches in surprise, and she sits up straight in bed - gods, is it already late afternoon?? she didn't leave herself any time to mentally prepare to live with a stranger!! ]

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[ The date goes...okay. Prompta had been over the moon about it, even if her nerves had made the anticipation rather anxious, and by the time it comes, she's almost just ready to have it over with. But it's an enjoyable time. The boy is kind and funny, maybe he talks too much about himself and laughs a little too much at his own jokes, but they get along well. And at the end of the date, he even mentions seeing her again, though they don't miss. Prompta doesn't leave enough time for it.

It was nice to spend an evening out, and it was nice to have someone pay attention to her in...that way. But he's probably not her dream guy. And that's what dates are for, right? To test the waters. To figure out the answer to that question.

It's late, but not too late when Prompta slips back through the door of their dorm room, quietly tiptoing inside before looking across the room to see if Alisaie is still awake, whispering for good measure: ]

Hey, Ali, you still up?

[ oh she's still up. honestly, even if prompta weren't on a date she would probably still be up, alisaie tends to get to sleep late, but tonight, gods, she wouldn't be able to sleep even if she tried. her stomach is in knots.

she hopes it's going well for prompta, or most of her hopes that, at least, even if a small part of her definitely hopes it's going terribly - but she wants prompta to be happy, to find that thing she is looking for, even if alisaie knows it isn't with a boy. it isn't with anyone. the kind of validation prompta wants can't be found on a date. but still, it can bring her happiness. everyone likes to feel loved, to feel desired, wanted.

but, you know, alisaie also won't be too heartbroken if it isn't the best date in the world, though of course it probably is - how couldn't it be? prompta is the best potential partner anyone could ever want, and surely he will see that, he will see how beautiful she is, how funny, how her smile can brighten up an entire room. anyone would be a fool to let that pass by them. and given how excited prompta was about it, about him.. well. alisaie has been preparing herself all night for her inevitable doom, both eager for prompta to return so that alisaie's torment will finally end, yet also terrified to hear the verdict.

gods, falling for someone who does not feel the same is absolute torture. would not recommend.

anyroad, she's curled in bed with a book, the room quiet and the lights off save for the small reading light by her bed, but alisaie has been on this same page for at least thirty minutes now - this same sentence, probably. she's tried, and failed, not to stare at the clock, but she has no idea when to expect prompta back, anyway.. oh gods, what if she stays out all night?? talk about torture. but alisaie's purgatory ends soon enough, at least, when she door creaks open and her eyes dart up from her page. she's back. alisaie has to make an effort to seem cool and collected. ]

Oh.. yes of course. Welcome back.

[ Woefully unaware of Alisaie's inner struggle, Prompta at least doesn't look like she's glowing — the type of post-date glow she has probably regaled Alisaie about plenty before. She had fully expected to be over the moon after her date, but instead she just feels kind of...underwhelmed. Which she feels a little guilty about, because it was pretty okay for a date, especially in her non-existent experience. But there's just nothing really to glow about.

Instead, Prompta drops onto her bed with a sigh, kicking off her shoes and leaning back on her palms. Didn't even get to put that great kissing practice into action...bummer. ]

Thanks.

[ Alisaie may not have asked how it went, but Prompta is going to tell her anyways. She'd want to know, right? After helping Prompta get ready for it? ]

You know...it was only kind of okay.

[ alisaie should feel.. relieved, and she definitely is, because the last thing she wants to listen tonight is the tales of prompta's wonderful date and how ready she is to marry this perfect boy, but she also can't help but feel a bit guilty for her relief. at least prompta doesn't seem sad or upset, which is good, but seeing her happy would have been best, even if alisaie would have definitely also hated it.

still, her shoulders relax a bit and she straightens against the headboard, resting her hands on the pages of her open book. ]

Oh.. well I'm sorry you didn't have a wonderful time.

[ she says, though she is in fact only half sorry... ]

Are you going to try again?

[ please don't!! ]

[ That's the question, isn't it? And maybe one that Prompta should direct more time towards considering, given her gut reaction is a "no". But she is the type to go with her gut, so is there really anything to be gained by thinking on it further? Is it fair to the guy to write him off already, or better to just leave it without dragging anything out?

Ultimately, she shrugs her shoulders without much enthusiasm, shaking her head. ]

Nah, don't think so. He was nice and all, but once I got to know him a little better...not really my type, you know?

[ Part of her thinks she should be so choosy, that she should be thrilled that anyone is interested in her at all, and she is, but she's too much of a hopeless romantic to settle for something less than being swept off her feet. ]

Oh well. Good to get the experience, though. Feel like I can check a major milestone off now, heh.

[ however glad she might be to hear that she doesn't have to endure another agonizing night of waiting for prompta to return from a date, it still.. stings to see her like this. she doesn't seem devastated, no, but she's certainly disappointed, and alisaie can't help but worry that maybe prompta is taking it personally, thinking she has failed in some way. maybe she isn't, but alisaie still knows her well enough to guess at how her thoughts might be leaning, sometimes. she hopes that they are not leaning that way now..

but just in case, she still rises from her bed to cross to prompta's, dropping down next to her to immediately slide both arms around one of prompta's, while she tips her head to touch her brow gently to prompta's temple. ]

Try not to worry about it, overmuch.

[ she says softly, squeezing prompta's arm. ]

You'll find your person someday, I know you will. You're too good a catch to be ignored.

[ As usual, Alisaie's intuition is right on the money, and she knows exactly where Prompta's thoughts have gone. Her expression goes soft and affectionate, warmed by how stalwartly her friend defends her from herself. Prompta is often her own worst enemy, and try as she might to be better about it and believe the things her friends tell her about herself, it's still...difficult sometimes.

But if Alisaie says she's a good catch, well, she'll try to believe that, too.

Chuckling low in her throat, Prompta closes one hand over one of Alisaie's, nudging her playfully with the other. ]

Aw, c'mon, you gotta say that...

[ A beat. ]

But...thank you. Seriously. Guess I got kinda...boy crazy this week, huh?

[ She did barely talk about anything else... ]

I do not gotta.

[ alisaie sure does leap to defend her against herself, because if not her, who else will? prompta's friends are wonderful friends, but their relationship with her is a little different from alisaie's. they're close, but in a different way. prompta herself surely won't leap to her own defense. alisaie is happy to. when prompta nudges her, she smiles and leans in nearer, resting her cheek against prompta's shoulder. ]

Maybe.. just a little..

[ she says in that gentle yet weary sort of way that suggests "yes, all you did was talk about that dumb boy, it was very tiring." ]

I would ask if you got it out of your system, but.. I know better.

[ As Alisaie leans in, Prompta winds one arm around her shoulder, in a natural and easy way that she doesn't even have to think about. For how much Alisaie claims to not be touchy-feely, that's never been Prompta's experience with her. But then again, she's a pretty touchy-feely person, so maybe she just makes up enough ground between the both of them.

That, or Alisaie is just used to it by now and has given in to Prompta being in her personal bubble. ]

Heh, you know me all too well...I gotta find a rebound after all, right?

[ She says in a teasing manner, even though it's...definitely true....sorry Alisaie. But at least pining for a boy is probably better than actively dating one?! ]

[ I MEAN... ONLY SLIGHTLY!! it's like choosing between a poop smoothie and a fart milkshake!! alisaie would prefer neither thanks!! she sighs heavily, making no secret of her disapproval. ]

No, of course you don't, but I highly doubt that I could talk you out of it.

[ as much as she dislikes prompta's boy-craze for deeply personal reasons, she also does not like to see it for prompta's own good. she hangs so much of her sense of self-worth upon the people around her, which is natural of course, everyone does it to a degree, but prompta is.. different. it's so much more for her. alisaie shifts uncomfortably, frowning against prompta's shoulder. ]

I just hope that you keep what I have said in mind.

[ that she is enough, all on her own. that she does not need anyone's validation. no relationship based entirely on that need for security and self-worth will ever be anything but hollow, if it succeeds at all. ]

I'll...do my best. Really, I will.

[ They both know it's something that Prompta struggles with, it's no secret to either of them, but it's still hard for her to acknowledge, to let down her sunny act and let herself be really vulnerable for a moment. Sometimes she still worries, that she's asking for more than she gives in return, but she also knows what saying as much will get her, too. ]

Really don't know what I'd do without you, Ali. Thanks again.

[ She really can't say it enough.

But then she pulls back a bit, leaning back on her hands on the bed. ]

Well, next best thing to do is sleep my troubles away. Gotta say, I'm beat.

[ ah, the cuddling could only last for so long.. alisaie feels a little chillier once prompta moves away, she had been so warm and smelled to nice!! but she's right, it's quite late, even if it is friday, and alisaie's constant fretting had sure been more exhausting than she might have thought..

so she exhales deeply, then finally stands. ]

Bakery tomorrow?

[ what better way to liven their spirits than with tons of sugar!! ]

[ Don't worry Alisaie, there is bound to be more platonic cuddling to drive you crazy soon...anyway, at that invitation, Prompta positively beams up at Alisaie, nodding fervently. ]

Couldn't've said it better myself! Maybe some ice cream, too...

[ Not that she's all that broken-hearted about it, but, look. She can indulge this one time. As long as she goes for a run in the morning it's fiiiiine. ]

[ alisaie smiles down at her, and without even thinking extends a hand to gently tuck some stray blonde hair behind prompta's ear, her fingertips brushing prompta's cheek in a gentle, tender touch before she's leaning back to stand again. it's strange how easy it is to touch her, how it comes so naturally she doesn't even mean for it to happen. ]

All right, then, ice cream too I suppose. You're so spoiled.

[ chuckling under her breath, alisaie moves back to her own bed, closing the book she had left and tossing it onto her nightstand before she's tugging the covers back up again and turning onto her side. ]

Goodnight, Prompta.

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